Disney Parks: Where weirdos gather

While Mickey Mouse preaches all the crap about it being what’s on the inside that counts, we’re sure he doesn’t really mean it. At least when it comes to super creepy tourists who can easily scare little impressionable kids. No amount of cutesie Disneyland shit would be able to erase the nightmarish gray-haired mullets or Elvira make-up of the visitors.

(by Piccolina who assumed the visitor was trying to recreate the look of a Victorian-era showgirl)

(By Brent, who was probably wondering how he can score such a beautiful haircut)

Miami doesn’t always equal hottness

Unfortunately, the stereotype that Miami is full of hot girls in bikinis isn’t super accurate. So be careful. Someone that looked good at the club last night, could turn out looking more like your aunt in the daylight.

(by moose e moe who simply labeled this pic “tourist”)

The adult Disney World…

Nestled between a Zara bag and a tiger-print sweater is a speed-shopping tourist. How do we know? Jenn, who snapped this with her phone, says “She was ready to cruise the upscale Mall At Millenia in Orlando…sneakers and all.” Probably while the rest of her fam was running around and experiencing the real reason tourists love to visit Orlando — if this was our mommy, we’d be pissed.

Real tourists visit Spam trucks

Spam never really interested us — eating it felt about as natural as popping two pills of Viagra. But even though Spam has been known to draw out vomit, the colorfully-branded truck of the canned processed meat remains a tourist attraction. Check out the excitement on the face of the pink-vested tourist while he’s awaiting his turn — we’d only crack that kind of smile if we were offered a pot brownie.

(by Bill Burke who’s had the pleasure of spotting this retro yet processed-food promoting vehicle)

Never take odd dance classes!

Rule number one of touristdom is: Never ever participate in a dance class that’s led by a person in a frilly costume. But on a trip to Disney World, it’s even more crucial to not be constantly entertained by people in costumes. And pulling your pink-T-shirted kid into it (pictured on right) just teaches them that instead of playing girly-kid sports like soccer or softball they should be jumping around like a moron. P.S. – We’re not sure which class this is so if anyone knows — we’d love to know.

(by Lighting Chick, who we hope would rather do yoga)